chapter 6a 

(The Adopted Son) 

Moïse Berri 

and the Reconstruction of the Haitian 

Space Agency 

by Jude Jarda 

6a 

The Adopted Son 

Achilles Hector Donduciel Legitime wakes up with his customary good humour on this rainy Friday morning. His wife got out of bed shortly before him, jumped in the shower and started singing joyfully. According to these two upbeat churchgoers, each day is an exceptional gift that deserves to be celebrated, even more so today, because it is the fifth anniversary of the spiritual resurrection of Achilles Hector, who will turn fifty in a couple of hours. Just five years ago, this born-again Christian used to guzzle a bottle of spirituous liquor before breakfast and waste five to ten thousand dollars a week at the Atlantic City's Taj Mahal. Achilles Hector was also a porn and a sex addict. He frequently spent entire weekends watching x-rated films, locked in cheap bed bug infested motels, in the company of disreputable women he'd picked on the streets or in shady strip clubs. Back then, Achilles Hector could never recall the name of his eldest daughter's boyfriend and refused to talk to his youngest one because she smoked and followed the Gothic dress code. Achilles Hector was also a master defrauder, constantly watched by agents of the United States Treasury Department. All the companies he founded, bought, administered or sold over the years, ended up on some kind of list from the FBI financial crime division. 

People in his entourage were aware of his manipulative and untrustworthy behaviour, so they kept their distance from him. His father threatened to disinherit him many times. Achilles Hector's poor mother used to hide her precious objects whenever he would visit. His brother Ulysses Hercules evaded him whenever he had the chance and went as far as paying people to lie about his whereabouts. Finally, his younger sister obtained a court order forbidding him to communicate with her or to find himself near her residence. Having been named the worst boss of the year on many occasions, Achilles Hector Donduciel Legitime had given up worrying about his reputation a long time ago. He installed a bath tub in his office, equipped it with three TV sets, a bar, a snooker table and a full size refrigerator. The man considered zapping, gluttony and shouting after his employees like alternative forms of physical exercise. One day, Achilles Hector's heart sent him a message by stopping unexpectedly. 

It was during Monday Night Football, the Philadelphia Eagles were visiting the New England Patriots. Achilles Hector had just turned 45. He suddenly felt a sharpening pain in the chest. But the amount of money he bet on the game was so important, that he waited and suffered in silence until the end of the duel. When he got out of coma seventy two hours later, he began shopping for lawyers who specialized in medical lawsuits. Achilles Hector's first objective was to poison the lives and ruin the careers of everybody working at the Thomas Jefferson's Hospital; from the chief medical officer to the dieticians; from the parking lot attendants to the obstetric nurses. Not surprisingly, Achilles Hector chose to ignore the long list of medication prescribed by his doctors. In his own words, they were just placebos, recommended by a bunch of despicable and inexperienced physicians who were determined to legally euthanize him. He kept saying that no pharmaceutical corporation was going to make money by polluting his body. When Achilles Hector finally got out of is second coma, following a pulmonary embolism that was accurately predicted by his cardiologist, he declared himself a change man. This time, he gladly accepted to comply with the specialists and their treatment recommendations. Achilles Hector then gave up the legal pursuits he had intended against the heroes who saved his life for a second time. He claimed that he had seen the light of wisdom during his near death experience. The adopted son of Sixte-Osmer Legitime allegedly spoke, during his period of unconsciousness, to a cream gene horse wearing a shiny tin cuirass. The quadruped advised him to change his ways or die from the sword sticking out of his mouth the next time it would meet him in the oneiric world. The strange beast from the Equidae family also revealed to Achilles Hector that the more he would give of his time and possession to his fellow men, the more he would receive in return from destiny. Up to ten thousand times his input was suggested. Achilles Hector found nothing revolutionary in that formula, but he felt compelled to try. No stock broker in the real world could guarantee such a good feedback with the confidence of this imaginary animal. Achilles Hector was genuinely thrilled when he made his first donations to a local food bank and to a random beggar, but these good gestures deeply affected his sleep and caused him a lot of undesired stress. He regretted for a long time those two dollars thrown in the melon hat of that homeless Downtown Philadelphia man named Dudley. Achilles Hector felt like giving up his heroic combat for becoming a better person right from the start. 

Achilles Hector Donduciel Legitime however began to weigh the amount of fat and sugar in his daily diet. He also cut on the booze, made peace with the members of his family and adopted a less reprehensible moral code of conduct. He started walking and jogging short distances, stopped playing cat and mouse with the IRS; and he finally accepted to attend the New Golgotha Baptist Church of Camden with his wife, Mildred. After three visits, Achilles Hector began to complain about the infernal heat inside the temple, the duration of the service, the lack of parking spaces, the tasteless free meals, the noisy cheering children and just about anything imaginable, so that his wife would regret inviting him to join the congregation. But on the fourth week, he miraculously got hooked. Achilles Hector was trying to prove to everyone that Reverend Sylvestre Lamisère was completely wrong, concerning a passage from the Bible, but to make his point, he had to read many verses from the Holy Scriptures to prepare his argument. After a thorough analysis of the Book of Joshua, Achilles Hector came to the conclusion that the God acting in the Pentateuch could be extremely severe when it became a necessity to wipe out entire nations and groups of people for the good of the chosen few. No one knows if the changes Achilles Hector made to become a better person were guided by fear or by love, but one thing is certain: a new preacher was born. From that moment on, people around town quickly understood that they would need to shoot or knock him out, in order to make Achilles Hector stop evangelizing and advertising for Jesus, quit proclaiming and promoting the second Coming or the Gospels, and definitely cease to brag about his intimate relationship with his new pal, the God of Israel. 

Deeply determined to improve his image and reputation, Achilles Hector Donduciel Legitime, who was known to most people in town as a contemptible miser with no morals, decided to go hunting for Dudley the Beggar in the jungle of downtown Philadelphia. On Chestnut Street, a bike messenger told him to take a look on the Fifth or Baltimore. minutes later, a pigeon loving bag lady said she had just seen Dudley cleaning windshields on Walnut Street. Achilles Hector finally found the homeless man on Market Street, right in front of Station 29. He explained to Dudley that the stallion haunting his dreams swore it would come back and whack him if he failed to get him off the streets. The popular vagabond did not hesitate before throwing a vicious punch to answer Achilles Hector's delirium; Dudley being firmly convinced that he was dealing with a demented individual and that he was in a position to plead self-defense. Achilles Hector regained consciousness after a minute or so, all peppy and laughing loudly, bewildered by the fact that he really saw a couple of stars while he was out, just like on the Looney Tunes Show. Dudley failed to hold back his desire to burst in laughter too, setting himself free for the first time in years. Today, Dudley Walker Clark, an ex-pugilist, hardened by his bad experiences in prison, two traumatizing marriages and a contract with a backstabbing, double-crossing manager, is now in charge of three successful hoagies stands in downtown Philly. Achilles Hector's investment in Dudley's business has been a major success, second only to their solid friendship. 

Achilles Hector felt so proud of his achievement with Dudley that he decided to reproduce the same scheme with other groups of underprivileged men. He put a team of war vets returning from Iraq and Afghanistan in charge of a fishing and hunting store; opened two hip hop clothing boutiques and left their management to a group of juveniles with legal issues; Achilles Hector also founded a reinsertion program for socially balanced ex-convicts in three different New Jersey counties. On his way to the office, instead of dropping by the tavern for a few morning shots like he used to do, Achilles Hector would now volunteer in schools and retirement homes. On his way back from work, he'd still find the strength to put on a clown suit, tune up his ukulele and go cheer up the sick and lonely patients of the many hospitals of the metropolitan area of Philadelphia. Mildred had never seen her husband that joyous and complacent. Unfortunately, Achilles Hector's generosity started attracting a bunch of vultures. That he chose to finance thirteen NGOs in Haiti or sign checks to Oxfam or UNICEF was fine with her, but to hear a Port-Au-Prince official complain to her husband that his sister's swimming pool in Florida was not at her taste infuriated her. Mildred forced Achilles Hector to consult a shrink after he accepted to pay the legal fees of a crook that stole from him after pretending to be a cancer survivor. The doctor declared Achilles Hector extremely eccentric and charitable, but perfectly sane. Achilles Hector's lavish generosity and demeanor increased following this diagnostic. To put it bluntly, he kind of became dependent to people's gratitude. Finding new nicknames for Achilles Hector quickly became a fad around town. Some people began to call him Black Jesus, Brother's Keeper or simply, The Man; Francophiles went with Le Berger or Le Prophète; those who knew about his Haitian roots just referred to him as Papa. Strangers would now wave at him with a big familiar smile and gladly give up a coveted parking spot under the shade of a large tree to him. From being a lonesome condescending snob, Achilles Hector was now making a new friend or meeting a new admirer each time he'd set a foot outside the front door. 

Since he wasn't blowing all his fortune in gambling venues and in general debauchery anymore, and that most of his investments proved to be profitable, Achilles Hector was offered a position on the direction board of the New Golgotha Baptist Church by a fairly amazed Reverend Sylvestre Lamisère. Four months later, profits coming from various sources were disclosed by Achilles Hector in front of the already impressed financial committee of the congregation. Achilles Hector used part of this money to renovate the rustic chapel of the temple, putting an emphasis on comfort, notably by adding a good air conditioning system so as to prevent worshipers from fainting during the reverend's animated but interminable sermons. The choir members were given new tailored-made uniforms: two regular suits and a flashy coordinated outfit for special events only, and a fourth one fitted with a hood and made out of polyester and nylon for the outdoor performances. The used and beat up Eastern made musical gear of the band members were replaced by new American standards chosen by their respective players. Achilles Hector then proceeded to systematize is new propensity to donate blindly to his new brothers and sisters. He wrote everything on paper and then made it official. From that day on, on every Wednesday, five fellow-believers of the Baptist community would receive a small twenty dollar gift to remind them that they mattered; each Saturday, five more churchgoers would get a hundred dollar surprise; every first Sunday of the month, a thousand dollar one; and finally, on Achilles Hector's born again Christian’s birthday, a member of the assembly was to get a life changing present. A child, a woman, a man, a needy person and a suffering one were to be among the selected few. Achilles Hector's number one rule was to avoid involving liquid money by any means. A small present usually meant a gift-certificate or a movie pass; a hundred dollar surprise meant a visit to a spa, concert tickets or some help to pay for the groceries or the phone bill; instead of a thousand bucks, the recipient could expect to see his or her rent paid, or a visit to the dentist taken care of; lastly, the annual mega present could go as far as paying for the higher education of a teen or put up a down payment on a property for some lucky newlywed candidate. 

Rumors about the existence of a legendary altruist and zany Haitian-American multimillionaire from Philadelphia began to circulate all across Pennsylvania, reaching the hears of interested parties all the way north to Upstate New York and all the way down to Wildwood, South Jersey. Members of the New Golgotha Baptist Church of Camden jumped from 160 to 823 in a matter of months. One night, the thoroughbred horse with a sword sticking out of its mouth came back to haunt Achilles Hector in his dreams. The glowing animal gave him a list of numbers and asked him to build a new house of worship with them. The horse also forbade Achilles Hector to use those numerals for anything personal. When he awoke, Achilles Hector noted the digits on a facial tissue. The youngest son of Sixte-Osmer Legitime shared the content of his vision with his wife, Mildred, Reverend Lamisère, the brothers and sisters of the congregation, and eventually with everyone he'd meet on his path. His father's former fortune-teller, Bonne Suzette, heard about the story during her pre-shampoo treatment at a beauty salon in Bâton Rouge. She contacted the late Sixte Osmer Legitime soon after to reveal the signification of his son's dream. All the members of the Legitime family were informed of the situation. Everyone got involved at different levels the day after. According to the skilled, respected and well-trained clairvoyant, the urgency of the matter was evident, particularly for Capricorns and Leos born before noon or on a rainy day. The need to buy lotto tickets and bet on racing dogs with German sounding names was urgent, especially while Uranus and Saturn's orbits were parallel to the course of the moon. Combining those numbers in every way possible was crucial. Dreams like that always have an expiry date, Bonne Suzette argued. But after a week of loss, rationality prevailed and people stopped wasting their money on superstitions. Because Achilles Hector was the initial recipient of the magic numbers, he was not aloud to use them for himself. So he came up with a plan to get around the rules set by the talking horse. 

Achilles Hector went to a local radio station with Dudley and made his story public. Achilles Hector took the precaution to remind the audience that he owned full copyrights over those special numbers. He also gave the postal code of the Camden temple, so that potential users and winners could make amends if they hit the jackpot. To make sure everything was perfectly clear, Dudley added with a very menacing voice that the horse in Achilles Hector's dream was not to be taken lightly. To avoid a life of misery and constant nightmares, any honest winner should consider sending at least ten per cent of the money won to the legitimate owner of the revelation. A week went by, and then something incredible happened. A Latin-American farmer from Phoenix, Arizona, who had been listening to the radio show while waiting to depart from Newark Airport, won a phenomenal prize playing the Copper State's Powerball lottery. Pedro Francisco Maria Alvarez did not choose a single number from Achilles Hector's list, but he was a pious and superstitious man who did not believe in coincidences, and assumed that playing the Powerball was a capital sin. Mr. Alvarez donated only one per cent of his 287 million dollar win to the New Golgotha Baptist Church. He got rid of the other cursed nine per cent by spoiling his own family and friends; convinced that the gesture would keep bad luck and damnation away from him. When the news reached Camden and Philadelphia, Achilles Hector became more famous then Snooki, the Eagles and Jon Bon Jovi combined. 

The N.G.B.C. congregation kept on growing in popularity, inciting Reverend Lamisère to appoint Achilles Hector as his personal assistant and principal business partner. The small church was transformed into a successful enterprise, audacious enough to produce its own commercial video and air it on private television networks. The temple now counts 3127 active followers, and has been relocated in an ancient hockey arena of Bucks County, New Jersey. The two evangelists own a mobile studio that allows them to broadcast on the web and to spread their message on channel 48. Today, their audience is approaching sixty thousand individuals. In addition, each member of the church currently gives up to eight per cent of their monthly income to the religious association. The total amount is quite impressive, considering the great number of professional athletes, rising entertainment stars and successful businessmen amongst the newest sheep that joined the flock.