chapter 11f 

(The Usurper) 

Moïse Berri 

and the Reconstruction of the Haitian  

Space Agency 

by Jude Jarda 

11f 
The Usurper 

Back in Mizerikod, at the Kompa Lakay nightclub, Jim Falafel and Jeff Sprinter are putting the last touch to their plan of taking over the city with the help of its mayor. Jim Falafel is in possession of Chuck Three-Brother's lost Blackberry. He got that extremely valuable asset from the lost and found room of the popular joint. Naomi Naud's phone number appears 67 times in the incoming calls list of the device. The data contained in that smartphone can do a lot of damages. The two incorrigible bandits know it too well. Mayor Amédée Fleurinor insisted on meeting with Falafel and Sprinter in public to show everyone that the criminals of the commune are under his control. Host Rico Mars, who also manages and owns fifty per cent of the venue, is preparing the evening program. Before the local band's performance, there will be a minute of silence dedicated to the memory of the victims of Tropical Cyclone Sandy. Another one will be held after the show for Billionaire, also known as Moïse Berri, a big spender and a regular VIP client of the Kompa Lakay Club. Indeed, the man also known in town as The Architect has been reported dead earlier today by Vidal Gascon, the head of the housekeeping team at the town's main clinic and part-time reporter for the l'Hexagone local newspaper.  

DJ Evasion is dusting around and setting the tables. He also takes care of the early customers sitting at the bar. He will do so until the night staff arrives. DJ Evasion is a man of small stature. He is also exceedingly violent and susceptible. People who call him midget or dwarf put themselves at risk of being hit from the back with various heavy metallic objects. Every time DJ Evasion passes near the mayor's table, the conversation between the trio automatically stops of shifts to another subject. Tired of being snubbed, the short-legged disc jockey finally picks a seat right next to them, lights up a cigar and starts reading a copy of today's paper. Knowing how demented DJ Evasion can get, Jeff Sprinter doesn't bother. He simply switches from Haitian Creole to Quebec French, but with a greatly exaggerated Gaspesian accent. Jeff Sprinter makes it even more difficult to decipher by playing with the syntax of every sentence and doing extended use of spoonerisms in order to confuse the nosy DJ. 

What Jeff Sprinter reveals to Mayor Amédée Fleurinor is extremely troubling; an all-out war will be launched at sundown by the rogue members of the Diabbakas criminal gang, engulfing the commune of Mizerikod into absolute chaos. If all goes according to plan, Chuck Canada will be convinced in a few hours that Emcee Jones Brooklyn savagely killed his girlfriend, Naomi, and robbed him from the money he desperately needed to return back home in Quebec. That should suffice to make Chuck Canada lose it and go completely mental. Weapons of all sizes have been stored in strategic locations all around town, from the tiny razor blade to the intimidating shoulder-fired missiles stolen from the Minustah's arsenal in Dondon last week by the Baudouin-Lacroix Twins. The atmosphere in town will be highly frenetic and people's behaviour totally erratic. Today is the Day of the Dead, and the night belongs to the Guédés spirits. Nobody will find it strange to see so many souls invade the streets and visit the cemetery. 

The belligerents will be divided in three warring factions: the Duvalierists will come from the hills in the south, determined to overthrow the municipal government; the Aristidists will come from the sea, ready to dismantle the city brick by brick in the ultimate goal to rebuilt it closer to Léogâne, their stronghold; finally, the Martellists, scattered in the center, will fight until their last breath to keep the newly found oil entirely theirs. For their part, Anarchists, Communists, Theocrats and Utopian Socialists will be spread equally among them, planning to join the winning team at the end of the battle. According to Jeff Sprinter, the average law abiding citizens will decamp on instinct, leaving their toothbrushes behind, as soon as the turmoil begins. The commune will be left deserted by its inhabitants when general lawlessness is installed. That should facilitate the occupation procedures and the irreversible expropriation procedures desired by Mayor Amédée Fleurinor. If the Quebecker who is expected to come in town next Monday, to act as a general auditor or some kind of referee, is sane in his head, he will not even set foot in Mizerikod. On the question of doing everything possible to avoid a complete blood bath, Jim Falafel admits that it is fairly impossible to predict the villager's reaction, once they will be immersed into the mayhem. 

“The oil companies want to protect their image of cleanliness,” Mayor Amédée Fleurinor protests. “They don't want their shareholders to see anything horrific on the nightly news.” 
“Every single person leaving Mizerikod will be thoroughly searched and a squadron of Diabbakas will be looking for anyone holding a camera or a cellular phone,” Jim Falafel guarantees. “No report of the uproar will reach the outside world. That, Mister Mayor, is a promise I will keep.”