chapter 16g 

(The Unfaithful) 

Moïse Berri 

and the Reconstruction of the Haitian 

Space Agency 

by Jude Jarda 

16g 

The Unfaithful 

Pamphile Dutervil normally uses the front door to enter his two-story house. A short while after he escaped his pursuers, a legion of cops and gun enthusiasts, the cook climbed the orange tree in his backyard, jumped on the balcony of his residence and accessed the master bedroom on the second floor through an opened window. 

The agitated culinarian is now feeling despondent. In order to break away from the people chasing him, Pamphile had to get rid of his treasured suitcase, which contained his brand-new Schumann knives. So when Pamphile Dutervil sees a bunch of men's clothing scattered in the room, and spots the feet of a bald dude sticking out of the mosquito net he bought and installed himself on his own conjugal bed, a group of neurons and synapses of his brain literally snaps. The already cranky chef loses his peripheral vision and all the muscles of his body start to contract involuntarily. Something very much alike a short-circuit takes place in his central nervous system. 

Before considering first degree murder as an option, Pamphile walks on the tip of his toes all the way to the bathroom located at the end of the hallway, where he takes all the time he needs to shave and clean up. Seeing his old face again cheers him a little bit and calms him down. Melissandre Présumé's husband then takes a good look around and quickly concludes that many solid objects available in his surroundings can be used to kill an intruder. But a violent flashback suddenly brings him back to the mountains where he was recently kept prisoner. Pamphile remembers his captor's eyes, when he was banging the man's skull on the ground. That image just freezes Senator Fleurant's former chef. Despite the fact that any normal jury would probably label him a slightly demented individual, Pamphile Dutervil's confusion and wrath do not completely attain the recommended level for a temporary insanity plea. Is Melissandre Présumé worth a life sentence to hard labor? The cook asks himself. Nobody is going to die, Pamphile finally decides, but that man must shit in his pants and be traumatized permanently. 

So the highly upset cuckold chef gets undressed and covers his whole body with baby powder. He then rushes into the bedroom, shouting some nonsensical ecclesiastical made-up prayers and yelling profanities in Creole. Melissandre Présumé wakes up with a jolt, screams, Doudou! then faints. Our lady's man, Leopold de Grâce, the head of the human resources department of the Zanmi d'Haïti Foundation, rolls from the bed and bawls three times that God finally caught him in the act. He then takes the strangest decision. Wiping his tears and crying like a baby, he plunges head first and naked like a worm through the bedroom window.